I AM LOVED BY JESUS

No one ever sits and talks to us

"The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. But I the LORD will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them." Isaiah 41:17

I came across a pile of blankets crunched in a corner where it was dark and musty. The trash can shielded it from the gales on this bleak night. I crept closer, behold, two people trying to stay warm breathed slowly underneath the blankets. I ran back to my car to grab my blanket and tucked it under their bodies and covered their exposed toes and hands. A fear rushed over me and I found myself sitting in my car. "Man, my hot chocolate is getting cold and I really want to watch my movie. I don't know. Maybe it's weird to go back. What if they are mean, what if it's unsafe...man..." I suddenly felt the need to go back and talk to them. Crouching down next to them, I touched them, "Are you guys alright. How's it going?" (For confidentiality reasons, I will not share their real names). Donald and Heather were their names...and in two hours, they shared with me the hurt and pain in their lives, how they had been rejected, and who Jesus means to them. Don didn’t share too much of his life, but Heather shared more details that what I had even asked for.

She had been abandoned by her parents (her mother mentally ill and her father emotionally unattached). From the age of two to eighteen, she moved from group homes to psych wards. She was continually blamed for many things and constantly told she was worthless. Her sister left the system, but she was kept in solitary confinement and more homes. In one the last group homes, she was brutally raped by a 52 year old man and kept it a secret for a long time. In her mid-twenties, she found herself in the county jail with other women who bullied her and made her feel useless. Despite the constant battle of shame, guilt, anguish, and pain, there was hope. She was not far from the presence of Jesus – she whole-heartedly accepted him as her Lord and Savior right there in the Women’s Bible Study. Even though the road promoted multiple hardships and deep pain, she knew God loved her despite her brokenness and failures. This is the hope she carries with her.

For the past several years, she has been living on the streets, kicked out of many places, (now blacklisted), and has been addicted to alcohol, living each day uncertain if she will live it. God has created in her a heart of compassion, love and forgiveness. However, she feels trapped, scared, and afraid of taking the next step. Don wants to continue work, but knows she has no place to go. Maybe she’ll be rejected and maybe she will die at the very next moment. At the end of our conversation, they thanked me for staying with them and said, “No one ever sits and talks to us. Thanks for showing us compassion and loving us.” I replied along the lines of: “Jesus would want me to do this!”

After leaving them to sleep for the night, I wished I could have done something more. I don’t even know if they will be alive right now. My heart breaks for people such as these. However, I came to several conclusions:

• “We are all on a journey. Some are heavier and more painful than others, some of us have made really bad decisions that have robbed us of joy, and others are still not exposed to the rest of our community.

• I cannot judge, I cannot overthink how to love, and I cannot walk away without talking about Jesus.

• I can be really selfish sometimes and focus all my time of caring for myself. I am so glad the Lord wants to use a broken and venal wretch as me.

• Even though I walk away from Jesus and have questioned His intentions and character, He still calls me into His fold and reminds me others need to know Him!

• Every time I begin to question my actions or intentions or begin to take the power into my own hands, I remember God saves, Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice, and the Holy Spirit gives me the discernment and courage to move forward.

• I am a mere vessel that God loves to walk alongside and help me share His glory. I can walk away (never seeing them again) and know that God has them in His hands and He will take care of them as best as He sees fits. I can trust Him that I have done my part and He will do the rest.

I pray that God will give me more of these opportunities to love others beyond my comfort zone and that I would allow Him to speak through me. I pray that He will use my words to push them to get help. I pray they will not let fear keep them living the best lives they can live. I pray God will heal them and strengthen them in dire times of weakness and pain. I pray He will show me how to better love the unlovable, take care of the incurable, and share the power of His redeeming Gospel!

My Name is Caleb, and I am not King. Jesus is.