I AM IN NEED

Lamentations 3:20-21:

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope...

"If you want me, come and get me." He did.

I am not sure where to begin, so I guess I will start.

It's been another month, and I am still in the same spot

I have been in situations that I never thought I'd be in

I have been to a few doctors, and left with more questions than answers...

Depression hurts. Depression breaks. Depression....

I think if I were to tell you what I am going through

You wouldn't believe me...sometimes I don't either

I hope you didn't think this would be a post about conquering

Because it's not.

I am still confused, I am still scared, I am lonely, and still left wondering...

I've questioned my existence, my purpose, my life.

I've questioned God, His purpose for me, and ask Him daily:

"Why am I going through this...what is the purpose?"

"Why do I fight this battle? Why is everyday a constant struggle?"

"Why am I lonely and sad? Why am I depressed and suici....?" "Why...." these questions continue to burn at the core.

I am not sure who God is at this moment. I know He's here and I know He loves me

But it's still hard and still difficult. This season is winter fallen snow.

I suppose it's getting me to talk with God more...I've talked with Him everyday. I told God, "If you want me, come and get me." He did. I told God, "If this gets me to talk to you, then allow it." He has.

I told God, "I know you can heal, now do it." He is.

And the rest is yet to come....

My name is Caleb and I am not King. Jesus is.